Fairness and Equity - lesson learned from an 8 year old

 The house was bustling at 7 a.m. All kids were up and doing the routine of getting ready for school. Mom and Dad in their usual manner were running as well and having hit the snooze button a time too many were a little rushed. In typical child manner, at least at our home, the kids at the last minute decided they wanted to pack a lunch. I gave a staunch 'NO' answer as I didn't want to go through the hassle or time to deal with packing sandwiches, snacks, drinks, extra snacks, etc.

After a few minutes our oldest, who is twelve, decided she wanted to fix her a lunch for the day. Unfortunately here is the moment I as the dad made a pivotal mistake. Rather than facing this head on with a resounding confident 'NO' as I had with the eight-year-old I caved and had a major lapse in judgement. My answer was 'OK' rather than arguing with the twelve-year-old. This was the beginning of a very rough few moments in the Tanner home.

Within five minutes I hear my wife calling my name and not in a pleasant 'I love you' tone. It was the tone of 'what did you do'. I cringed. I responded with the appropriate 'yes' response and immediately saw the eight-year-old looking sheepishly in our bedroom door frame with my wife in tow behind. 'Did you tell the girls they couldn't have a packed lunch?' I immediately knew the error in my actions. I said that I had and she reiterated to me that I could not allow one without allowing all three to pack lunches. I quickly packed the other two a lunch without argument. I knew I was in the crosshair and there was no debating or changing the mind of my wife or the eight-year-old.

As I left for work with my tail tucked neatly beneath me, I began to think about my actions and the requisite HR analogy. I have dealt and still deal with employees that have this same issue of fairness and equity on the job. If I allow 'Jane' to do something I can't tell 'Susie' she can't do the same thing, especially if their scenarios are similar. This leads to a very tenuous term.... favoritism and can lead down the rabbit hole of other riotous terms (sexism, discrimination, racism, prejudice).

The simple terms of fairness and equity can be related to my school morning analogy. Allowing one person an action while telling another they can't perform the same action with no documentation or rationale other than a 'no' is not a defensible response. It leads to feelings of 'less than' and in our current litigious environment unfounded feelings of 'less than' lead to employee relations issues and possible lawyer interactions. 

I was attempting to take the path of least resistance with my eldest child rather than reiterating my initial response of 'NO'. Supervisors often have this same response. It's easier to cave to those employees who are persistent rather than stand by an initial decision. Most of us would rather defer confrontation and go the path of least resistance. Making a decision and allowing exceptions is a caustic action that lowers employee morale and team cohesion, especially when the exception is just to avoid conflict.

It was easy to tell my small eight-year-old NO and tell my older more mature and questioning twelve-year-old YES, but the ensuing feeling of unfairness and inequity were not worth the trouble. Supervisors and HR professionals who listen before making snap decisions can avoid similar issues and can learn quite a bit from the 8-year-olds in our life.

jamie